The Honey Ritual
by Applegrove

Materials required
On the altar are gold candles,
a Violet Crumble - as the athame), 
a chalice of mead, 
a small dish of Honey Smacks and 
a spoon, 
a Crunchie bar, 
a beeswax candle, 
a honey dew melon. 

Covenors enter the circle… as they reach the veil they are anointed with honey from a squegee bottle. 

Cast The Circle
(using a Violet Crumble) 

I conjure thee O circle of Honey that thou beist a boundary between the worlds of Lite 'n Low and the realms of dripping honeycomb. That thou beist a guardian and protection against all artificial sweetners and a place wherein we may lick in love and trust and worship of Maxwells Mead. I do command that thou dost preserve and contain the honey rush that we shall raise within thee.
		
Elemental Consecrations
(take up the chalice of mead and walk around circle)

Creature of Mead - I do cast from thee all sediment and preservatives and I do bless thee and consecrate thee in the most honeyed and perfect names of Lord and Lady

(take up the bowl of honey smacks and walk around circle)

Creature of Honey Smacks, I do cast from thee all wheat bran and fibre that keeps you regular on the inside, and I do bless thee and consecrate thee in the most honeyed and perfect names of Lord and Lady

(take up Crunchie bars and walk around circle)

Creature of Crunchie Bars, I do cast from thee all non-aerated honeycomb and soggy bits, and I do bless thee and consecrate thee in the most honeyed and perfect names of Lord and Lady 

(take up Beeswax candle and walk around circle)

Creature of Beeswax, i do cast from thee all parrifin and tallow, and I do bless thee and consecrate thee in the most honeyed and perfect names of Lord and Lady

Call the Quarters

Air:	Creamed Honey of the East, Fluffy one!
Great prince of the palace of crumpet
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all muffins approaching from the East. 

Fire:	Mulled Mead of the North, Spicy one!
Great prince of the palace of decadence!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all hangovers approaching from the North. 

Water:	Liquer Mead of the West, Satisfying one!
Great prince of the palace of thirst!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all Passion Pop approaching from the West. 

Earth:	Baklava of the South, Layered one!
Great prince of the palace of Dessert
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all Lamingtons approaching from the South. 

Main Ritual

HP:	Listen to the words of the Mother of Honey; who was of old called Allowrie, Violet Crumble, Leabrook & Queen of Bees and by many other names. 

HPS:	Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when the jar is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Honey. In the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your honeycomb icecream and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be free from sexual frustration. And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have honey smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence. For mine is the ecstasy of a honeyed kiss, and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even into high orbit for my law is "lick ye well of the food of the gods". Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your ........ ahem ....... , and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips (which lips). I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy onto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death... well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that. I demand only your teeth in sacrifice, for behold, dentistry is a business, and you have to pay for those honeycakes after you eat them. 

HP:	Hear now the words of the Honey Goddess, she in the dust
of whose feet are the cheap blended honies, whose body graces health food stores and swingers clubs everywhere.... 

HPS:	I, who am the beauty of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, and the satisfying sweetness of dripping desserts, and the mystery of mead making and beekeeping, and the desire of honey fetishists everywhere... call unto thy soul..... to arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of honeycomb from me do all honey based products spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and again.... and again. Before my sticky face, beloved of women and men, let thine innermost divine self be smeared with the rapture of licking honey off a friend. Let my taste be within thy mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals.
Therefore let there be stickiness and mess, violet crumbles and crunchie bars, Honey Snaps and Honeycomb Balls, Baklava and Semolina cakes within you. And you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery: "We shall sell no honey until you pay for it" (or steal it from the hives) For behold: I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any supermarket in the land. Messed be. 

HPS:	Hear now the words of the Honey God, who was called Capilano, Pooh Bear, Maxwells, St Vincents and Golden Gaytimes and by many other names. 

HP:	I am the strength of the beehive, and the piece of honeycomb that fell on the forest floor but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of leatherwood honey. No matter how you try to resist the call of honey, I will hunt you out, and I will become your sacred prey. I am warmth of hot lemon and honey in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads you to that really really good honey place in the middle of nowhere... you know the one.. its shaped like a beehive on a country road somewhere?. I give you my creatures, the fire of love of honeyed sex, the power of the jaw of the bear at the hive, and the shelter of Baskin Robbins when that big date didn't work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of that bottle of mead that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with which you can spot fellow honey lover across a gathering site. By the powers of the half melted Crunchie bar in the glorious sun, I charge you, by the darkest depths of the bottom of the honey pot and lingering smell of honeysuckle, I charge you, and by the beauty of a perfectly blended honey yogurt, I charge you. Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that Winnie the Pooh would envy. Take joy in that first bite of dripping comb, and in the last satisfying quaff of mead. Yet you must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that which is called Lite 'n Low, for it is vile and bitter. Lastly, always remember to leave some honey behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a conoisseur. Leave a little for someone else. I am with you always, just over your shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of Honey, and when you have reached the end of your hoard, I will never be further away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner. I am the spirit of the wild child, the inner child who can never get quite enough. If you are a true honey lover, then your soul and mine are intertwined. 

Cakes and Ale
As the violet crumble bar is the male so the honeydew liquer is to the female.. and when they are cojoined they become one in stickyness and bring forth the great blessings.... 

O Queen most secret, bless this honeycake into our bodies, bestowing sweetness, passion, fetishes and sexual obsession, and that deep lust which is the knowledge of thee. 

Dismiss quarters 
Oh, ye mighty honey of the __________, we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle, and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms, we say unto you, have you had a squeeze today? 

HPS:	By the baklava which is her body
By the creamed honey of her sweet breath
By the mulled mead of her bright spirit
And by liquer mead which is her blood
May a honeyed kiss be ever on your lips
Let the Circle be open… but unbroken
Merry Lick, Merry Suck and Merry Lick Again!!! 
Blessed and Messed Be! 

Close circle 

All to eat the honey props